This Week In History Volume 9!

April 5^th – 11^th

 * In 1957 the Suez Canal was reopened after tense negotiations.

 This marked the opening of the largest canal on record until January 26, 2009 when Nadya Suleman gave birth to Octuplets.

* In 1961 the Holocaust’s most famous planner, Adolph Eichmann, went on trial in Jerusalem.

Eichmann was the Nazi official known chiefly as the author of “The Final Solution”.  However he also authored the best-sellers “Genocide for Dummies” and “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Ridding Europe of the Jewish Menace”. 

* In 1992 retired Tennis Great Arthur Ashe announced he had contracted AIDS from tainted blood given to him during a heart operation.

 This taught millions of people the World over that you should never, ever receive open-heart surgery while having sex with a gay guy.

 *  In 2005 Prince Charles married Camilla Parker Bowles. 

It was a quiet ceremony with the couple exchanging their “I do’s” at Windsor Castle with a few friends on hand.  Afterwards there were Tea and Crumpets and then the groom took the bride back to her stall after riding her in a quick game of polo.

Triva Time!

Q.  On April, 11, 1865 who gave his last public speech?

A.  Abraham Lincoln

Bonus Factoid!

Many people of course remember the Gettysburg Address for its soaring poetry but no one remembers this speech - probably because it was so short.  

Apparently earlier in the day the President had eaten some bad food and ended the talk by saying, “Sorry folks, but I gotta go ‘cause I’m  about to drop one hell of a Lincoln Log”.

This Week In History Volume 8!

March 29 – April 4

*  In 1933 Adolf Hitler got 99% of the vote in a referendum to ratify German reoccupation of the Rhineland.

Of course you know who cost him that other 1 percent -  Frickin' Nader Voters.

* In 1983 WrestleMania was attended by over 93,000 fans at the Pontiac Silverdome, setting a record for the highest attendance at an indoor sporting event in History.

This also marked the first time at a sporting event that there was more trash located in the seats than under them.

 * In 1991 the Georgian Independance Referendum passed, giving Georgia complete autonomy from the Soviet Union and establishing it as an independant country.

When Mississippi heard about it they were super pissed.

* In 1969 the US announced a change of strategy in Vietnam, saying the military would now try to begin “Vietnamizing” the war effort.

 This was considered a marked change of strategy from the preceding six years when the US had attempted to win the war by an all out strategy of “Mexicanizing” it.

 Trivia Time!!

 Q.  In 1850 what southern California town was incorporated as a city?

 A.  Los Angeles!

 Bonus Factoid!!

 In Spanish Los Angeles means “The Angels”.  This means the "Los Angeles Angels" are technically “The Angels Angels”.  Or as everyone in LA likes to call them, “Not the Dodgers”.

This Week In History Volume 7!

March 22-28

* In 1894 the first Stanley Cup game was played.

Then, 10 years later, the first goal was scored.

* On March 23, 1933 at the height of “The Great Depression” FDR signed a bill ending prohibition. 

Thus March 24, 1933 wil forever go down in history as “The Great Hangover”. (I can only imagine what it will be like the day after they cure AIDS.)

* In 1945 “The Arab League” was founded when a charter was adopted in Cairo, Egypt.

The Arab League differs from NATO in that it has 22 members, only includes countries in the Middle East and also does not allow the use of a “designated hitter”.

* In 1978 Karl Wallenda passed away after falling from a tight rope in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Henceforth Karl became quite famous as the “Dying Wallenda”.

* In 1969 John Lennon and Yoko Ono celebrated their honeymoon by holding a “bed-in” for peace at the Amsterdam Hilton.

It would have been more effective as a stunt but since they were newlyweds most of the media just assumed they were really, really horny. Or since it was Amsterdam, really, really stoned.

Trivia Time!!!

Q. In 1775 Patrick Henry delivered a famous speech where he said “Give me liberty or give me...”

A. Death

Bonus Factoid!!

This was considered a great improvement over his first draft of the speech which read, “Get your hands off me you damn dirty apes.” 

This Week In History Volume 6!

March 8-14

* In 1916 Francisco “Pancho” Villa led a group of Mexicans across the US border in a surprise raid.

It wasn’t actually surprising that Pancho Villa led a raid. He was a bandit, after all.  What was surprising is that when the raid was over all the Mexicans went home.

* In 1942 the army of Holland surrendered to Japanese forces on the island of Java.

Which just goes to show you cannot fight a war wearing wooden shoes while higher than Cheech Marin at a Los Lobos concert.

* In 1977 astronomers found rings around Uranus.

 All I'm saying is, you should probably get that looked at.

 * In 1945 The Royal Air Force dropped the first 22,000 pound “Grand Slam” bomb on the town of Bielefeld, Germany.

 This quickly became a much more devastating weapon than the formerly utilized “Moons Over My Hammy” missile.

 Trivia Question Time!!

 Q. In 1959 what famous doll made her first appearance?

 A. Barbie!

 Ironically, the All-American Barbie was based on the design of a popular German doll called "Bild Lilli".

So I think we all know what that means. Barbie hates Jews.

Now over the years Barbie has been criticized for giving young girls an unrealistic expectation of what their bodies should look like.

In fact according to a health study Barbie would be 5-9, have a 36 inch bust, 18 inch waist and 33 inch hips which means she would lack the 17-22 percent body fat required for a woman to menstruate.

Wow, as if she couldn’t get any more perfect!

Bonus Question!

Do you know what else Barbie lacks that would technically cause her not to be able to menstruate?

Answer: A vagina.

This Week In History Volume 5!

March 1-7

This Week in History Volume 5

* In 1807 Congress passed an act banning the importation of slaves into the US.

It was all part of a big program by the government to get people to "buy American".

It was also in reaction to a shipment of slaves from China that were found to contain very high levels of lead. 

* In 1962 Wilt Chamberlain set the single-game scoring record in the NBA buy putting the ball in the hole for 100 points.

Later Wilt would become famous for his ability to put something else in the hole over and over and over. 

And over.

* In 2002 Switzerland’s citizens narrowly voted to become a member of the United Nations. 

Wow, the UN was only founded in '46. Way to take a stand Switzerland.

Which brings up the question – do you know why Swiss cars suck? 
Because they’re always in neutral.

* In 1946 Sir Winston Churchill first used the phrase “Iron Curtain” in a speech in Missouri.

Some other iconic phrases Churchill coined but never got credit for include “free-ballin’”, “you go, girl”, the ever-popular “Hitler sucks ass” and of course speaking of iron curtains Churchill also came up with the now even more famous expression “beef-curtains”.

* In 2001 35 people were crushed in Mecca during the annual pilgrimage known as the Hajj. Do you know how many died? 

Allah.

Trivia Question Time!!!

Question: In 1876 who was granted a patent for the telephone?

Answer : Alexander Graham Bell

His first words were widely thought to be, “Watson, is that you?”

To which Watson replied, “Of course it’s me, douchebag. I’m the only other guy on the planet with a frickin’ telephone.”

Thanks!
Sean

This Week in History Volume 4!

February 22-28

*  This week in 1955 America’s greatest female Tennis player, Maureen “Little Mo” Connolly retired from the game.

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say her legacy has inspired literally thousands of  other ’mos to get involved with women’s sports.

 *  In 1997 the Holocaust movie “Schindler’s List” was shown on broadcast television without commercial interruption.

 This marked the first time a film had ever aired completely on TV without any advertising breaks, thus proving once and for all that the Jews control Hollywood.

 *  In 1455 the uber-famous Gutenberg Bible was published – making it the first Western book to be printed from movable type and also giving Gideons everywhere a reason to live.

 The Bible was of course made by Johannes Gutenberg, a German printer who later went on to star in the popular “Police Acadamy” movies and the worldwide box-office smash “Three Men and a Little Schnitzel”.

 *  This week in 1929 Grand Teton National Park was founded in Wyoming.

 To this day it still has the biggest set of Tetons in any American park not named “Dollywood”.

*  Trivia question time!!  Yaaaaay!!!!

 This week in 1952 who discovered DNA?

Answer:  Doctors James Watson and Francis Crick.

 Follow up time! 

Do you know where they discovered it?

Answer:  Your mother’s chin.

See you next week history buffs!

This Week in History!

February 15-21

* In 1797 the Island of Trinidad became a British Crown colony when it was surrendered to the English General Sir Ralph Abercromby.

To celebrate this tremendous naval victory Abercromby promptly engaged in a long, passionate kiss with his homosexual lover – Lieutenant Fitch.

Actually in truth Abercromby was well known for two things above all else. Number one for being a great General and number two for his absolute, undying love of Naval seamen.

 

* In 1879 President Rutherford B. Hayes signed a bill allowing women to argue cases before the Supreme Court.

And as expected, since then we’ve never heard the end of it.

* 60 years ago this week Fidel Castro became the leader of Cuba.  

True story - in his younger days Castro had a tryout as an in-fielder with a major-league baseball team but failed to make the squad. Turns out he could hit but had an inaccurate arm.  

So apparenty Fidel not only overthrew Cuba’s government but unfortunately for us, also first base.  

Of course at 50 years Castro still holds the record for the longest serving communist dictator, a record many people feel should come with an asterisk because last year he tested positive for steroids and beard-enhancer.  

* In 1968 in Haleyville, Alabama the first 911 emergency phone system went into service.  

You have to wonder how dangerous was Haleyville, Alabama (pop. 4,000) that they needed to institute an emergency phone system? What were the emergencies?  

“Yes, ma’am, I’m jut calling to report - them Duke Boys is at it again!”  

* This Week in History Trivia Question Bonus!  

Question: In 1861 during the Civil War this man was inaugurated as the first and only President of the Confederate States of America.  Who was he?  

Answer: Jefferson Davis  

Bonus Factoid!

In his previous career as Secretary of War for the United States, Davis gave elaborate reports to congress on various routes for the proposed trans-continental railroad of which he was a big proponent.  

However you know what railroad Jefferson Davis wasn’t a fan of? The Underground one.

This Week in History

February 9-15 

* In 1961 Sabena flight 548 crashed in Belgium, killing all aboard including the entire United States Figure Skating team.

Eyewitnesses say the plane had a perfect take off but needless to say, completely failed to stick the landing. Of course the obvious lesson for all of us is it's not safe or appropriate to attempt a triple Salchow in a 737.  

* In 1965 President Lyndon Baines Johnson sent the first combat troops to fight in South Vietnam.  

Liberals everywhere immediately accused him of waging a “war for rice”.  

* In 2006 Vice-President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man in the face while hunting quail.  

Little known fact – the first President Bush once tried to shoot Dan Quayle in the face but missed and killed a pigeon.  

* In 1924 Calvin Coolidge made history by becoming the first President in to give a political speech on the radio.  

For the first 10 minutes he laid out his platform and then spent the next 2 and 1/2 hours making fun of Baba-Booey and giving away free tickets to the Journey concert.  

* In 1989 Ayatollah Khomeini, the leader of Iran, issued a fatwa against Salman Rushdie for his book the “Satanic Verses”.  

Now I looked it up and apparently a "fatwa" is a death sentence. This was interesting because I was under the impression that “fatwa” was Arabic slang for passing gas.  

As in, “The other day I ate so much hummus I issued a fatwa that could have killed a camel.”  

Or, “Hey, roll down the window. That falafel’s not agreeing with me and I’m about to issue one horrendous fatwa.”

This Week In History

Welcome to This Week in History!

This will be a weekly exercise where I will attempt to spur an interest in history that has lain too long dormant in the breasts of men (side note: breasts doesn't mean boobs, it's a metaphor for your brain).

This is my first attempt... enjoy.

MONDAY - February 2

In 1653 the Dutch colony of New Amsterdam - later to be renamed New York - was officially incorporated as a city.

To celebrate this event five people were mugged and a homeless guy peed on a wall.

TUESDAY - February 3

In 1690 the Colony of Massachusetts issued the first paper money in America.  

Adjusted for inflation in today's money three Massachusetts bank notes would be roughly equivalent to the life savings of everyone involved in the Bernie Maddoff ponzi scheme.

WEDNESDAY - February 4

On this day in 1789 George Washington was chosen as President of the United States, thus becoming America's first white President!

Washington was then followed by 42 more white Presidents in a row over a run of 220 years, exhibiting a dominance that has essentially made white people the New York Yankees of the Presidency.

THURSDAY - February 5

On this day in 1885 King Leopold the II of Belgium established the Congo Free State in Africa as his personal dominion.  

Since this date Europeans have been having filthy monkey sex and bringing the diseases back to the First World on a semi-regular basis.

FRIDAY - February 6th

On February 6th, 1788 the Treaty of Alliance and the Treaty of Amity and Commerce were signed in Paris by the US and France, thus formalizing French aid in the Revolutionary War and also signifying official recognition of the 13 colonies as an independent republic. 

To celebrate this momentous occasion that famous American sex aid the "Freedom Tickler" was renamed the "French Tickler" until an act of Congress in March 2003 reverted it back to the original. 

SATURDAY - February 7

In 1944 in the city of Anzio, Italy the German forces launched a counter attack against the allied offensive "Operation Shingle", Which to this day still holds the record for the least intimidating secret attack plan name ever. 

Other nominees are the invasion of Grenada, code-named "Operation Where the Hell is Grenada and Why the F**k Are We Attacking It?" and the original title for the Bay of Pigs - initially code-named "Operation Moo-cow".

SUNDAY - February 8

On this day in 2008 Nebraska banned the use of the Electric Chair as it's only method of execution. 

Today frequently used ways of causing death in Nebraska include boredom, ennui, pointlessness and a little known method referred to colloquially as "corn-fisting."

Five Years Later

So September of last year came and went.

She was so quiet about her business I didn't even notice as she passed by my window.  

Perhaps I was simply too busy with my life of perpetual forward motion.  Perhaps I was just oblivious.

Upon closer inspection this might be considered somewhat odd since September was the five year anniversary of my remission from lymphatic cancer.  Five years out and you are mostly considered "cured".  So some would think it strange that I should let such a momentous occasion slip by unremarked, even overlooked.

Because I didn't celebrate at all.  I didn't have a small gathering of my closest friends.  There was no sedate, reflective dinner party or a raucous all-nighter spent ingesting spirits with wilder acquaintances.  Nor did I venture forward on a camping trip, taking my girlfriend out for a chance to stare up into space, remarking on stars and time, pondering the World and our places in it, discussing deeply our future life together and the final definition of love.

There was none of that.

This is somewhat out of the norm because most people, many people who get to their five year mark go balls to the wall in some way, shape or method.  They buy themselves something outrageous, they go skydiving, they take an amazing trip or maybe they finally, blessedly just let themselves breathe for the first time in a long time.

Maybe I'm not built like that.  Or maybe the wait took it out of me.  

Because let's face it - five years is a long time to live in fear of death - 43,800 hours to be exact.  These are the months, years where you eke out a smile or two between cat scans and hope against hope you will be one of the lucky ones.  Five years is half a decade.  It is a long time to be robbed of real joy, to not be able to count on anything, to not feel able to make long-term plans.

I was told I had a 40% chance to live this long.  Imagine how that can keep you up at night, especially the first thousand hours.

So partying down hard-core just doesn't feel right to me.  Partially because I feel angry, like I was robbed of a tremendous amount of inner peace for a long time and also because I'm not sure my life is anymore important than anyone else's or even that a huge party would be a correct and proper way to reflect and honor what I've been through.  

In fact I'm sure it's not.  So what is it I can do to stamp this moment?

Plenty.  I start by celebrating it here, not with an artificial blowout surrounded by people special and not-so-special to me.  Here is where I reflect on what surviving the last five years has given me and I do it with words because when all else failed me, when my body turned traitorous, when nothing worked but my eyes and my mind, the only thing I could count on were words - prose and poetry, fiction and non-fiction.  

Language was my salvation then and so I use it now to exalt in all that has happened in the last 1,825 days, all I would not have experienced had I expired at 29 instead of the day sometime in the future when I will fall fast asleep and cease to awaken.

So let me share with you what I need to share.  Because these are the things I know and a man should always tell you what he knows.  Of that I am certain.

Because I know that even if I die tomorrow I fell in love again.  No one, no disease can ever take that from me. 

I  know that I can also celebrate the gains I've made as an artist.  For I am better now than I was then.  

That is all an artist can ask for.

I know that I have seen Australia, New Zealand, London, Paris, Ireland, the Middle East, Africa, Canada and almost every state in the union.

I know that I have learned to love and feel for others on a level I did not think possible.  Perhaps the greatest gift of this extra time has been being able to read a very special four year-old and two year-old girl the "Ferdinand the Bull" children's book at night as they fell into a deep slumber on my chest.

This was all truly grand.  Every minute, second and hour of it.

But don't get me wrong.  Life has not all been sunshine and roses.

These past five years have been extreme at times. Because life always is.

I've been lied to.  I've been told the truth.

I've made the right move.  I've fucked up beyond repair.

I've heard music that makes me want to live forever.

I've been so full of hate and pain I thought I would combust if I had to go on another second, another mile, another night.

I've seen places so beautiful even Wordsworth, Donne or Dylan Thomas wouldn't have been able to describe them if they'd had Will Shakespeare as a co-writer.

I have gone through hell, loneliness and sorrow, joy, elation and an undeniable closeness to something larger than this World all in the space of a 15 hour road trip alone in my car.

I have dedicated myself to learning as much about this planet and the people who have lived upon it with a vigor I never knew I possessed.  

Through it all I have been alive.

I desperately hope to continue as such.  

But that is all I will say about it for now.

Goodbye September.  Thank you for treading so lightly on my little existence.

I hope to welcome a hundred more of you.  But whatever number I get to see I yearn only that I can accept my fate with a dignity befitting the men and women who did not make it this far.  

Because I need to honor every day the people who did not get to join me here at five years out.

You were the brave ones.

So I will try to live my life in a manner befitting the days I have been blessed with.

It won't be easy.  Rather it is a nigh impossible task.  

Because how do you do it?  How do you possibly pay back the Universe for sparing you?  

How do you ever live fully and completely enough to make it all make sense?

I have no idea but for now I  know one more thing - I shall have the opportunity to try.

FDR, George W. Bush and the Lure of Authoritarianism

It was early 1933.  

FDR was set to take office in March. 

The country was in dire condition (worse than now if you can believe it).  

People were panicked, scared.  A persistent fear akin to the days immediately post 9-11 only on a deeper, more desperate and fundamental level.  

The future of everything was up for grabs.

You must remember the context...

Banks were failing everywhere.  Some hadn't been open for months.  The ones that did open their doors risked being wiped out in a day by depositors withdrawing all their money immediately.

Unemployment was 25%.  Only 50% of the country had a full-time job.  

We were an agrarian society who at this time had no market for our crops.  Europe had crawled out of the wreckage of WWI and was no longer importing our food.  This caused the bottom to drop out of the price of everything you could possibly grow and family farms were being foreclosed on at a breakneck pace.  

Capitalism was perhaps in it's death throes and other options were seriously being considered.

This may sound crazy to the modern ear but in the 1930's Fascism was still fashionable.  

People admired Mussolini because of Italy's high employment rate. 

People admired the Soviet Union because it too had a high employment rate.  

Italy and Russia seemed to be worker's paradises where if a man wanted to labor for his daily bread he was guaranteed to get it.  The same could not be said for America.

Make no mistake - the future of democracy was in doubt.  

FDR knew the stakes.  When told that if he succeeded in rescuing the country he'd be the greatest President in history he remarked that if he failed he would most certainly be it's last.

At this time many newspapers, intelligentsia, cultural elite and just regular ol' American folk wanted, perhaps even yearned and hoped for a dictator.  They desired a strongman to lift us out of the miasma we were in without any bureaucratic dilly-dallying. 

Just do something, anything they were pleading of their leaders.  Yet their leaders remained motionless, as frozen with panic as the people they claimed to represent.   

Everything seemed to be falling apart...

So when Roosevelt was inaugurated that March of '33 he had the public support to take his role as a strongman, as a leader of unlimited authority whom no one dared refuse.  He might have been our Caesar, our end of the Republic if he so desired.  He could have had it all.

But he chose not to go down that road.  He did not work outside the Constitution.  He worked with Congress.   He took his time and broke no laws.

He harkened back to the tradition of George Washington.  An American man offered almost unlimited authority who instead chooses to lay down his sword and work within the existing structures to accomplish what must be accomplished no matter how hard.

So how did FDR's decision to preserve democracy play out?  Did he make the right choice in turning his back to the siren song of unrestrained power?  

I believe you know the answer to that.  

The US government still exists in the same checked and balanced form it did before he took office.  We do not live in a dictatorship and capitalism still creeks along - aging, changed in it's form but viable nonetheless.

We did not go the way of Europe in the 30's, rather Europe has gone the way of us.  There is trade, a healthy interdependence and freedom across most of that continent.

Had FDR made a different choice I wonder what the World would look like now?

Roosevelt's most famous aphorism is without a doubt that great line from his first inaugural address, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

Contrast this with George W. Bush who has tried to keep us as scared as possible for eight long years.

Bush used a single (admittedly horrific) act of terror on our soil to declare that we were in a state of permanent war.  

He  used it to win reelection by declaring terror alerts every time Kerry got close in the polls.

He used it as a rationale for spying on Americans without warrants, to destroy political enemies and whistleblowers (Valerie Plame).  

He used it as an excuse to wage an unnecessary war in Iraq that has bankrupted us.

He repeatedly used patriotism as a bludgeon against those who would thwart his authoritarian ambition as America's "decider" in Chief.  

In the carrying forth of this last action I think he accomplished his most egregious (perhaps unintentional) goal -  he has managed to confuse nationalism with patriotism in the minds of many an American.  

Nationalism is not patriotism.  

Ask the the innocents in Nazi Germany who decided not to join Hitler if I'm right about that.  If you can find one who wasn't executed I'm sure they'll back me up.

This is very simple, actually.

To quote Mark Twain, "Patriotism is supporting your country all of the time and your government when it deserves it."

Therefore dissent is not treason or even dangerous.

Rather it is necessary for a healthy republic to survive.  Democracy should be noisome, boisterous and messy.  

If it is not your country is in more trouble than you can imagine.

By drumming up a "support your country at all costs" attitude to a fever pitch Bush ironically brought our nation - this supposed beacon of freedom -  closer to the mindset of the totalitarian regimes of Mussolini's Italy, Stalin's Russia and Hitler's Germany than any previous Chief Executive.

Don't mistake me, I'm not comparing Bush to those men.  That is reductive.  He is far less dangerous than them - in the main because our Constitution thankfully requires a peaceful change of power every eight years.

No I'm comparing the role his fear-mongering, power-grabbing actions have played in harming our national psyche to the similar deleterious effects those 20th century leader's actions had on the minds of their respective countrymen. 

So what, finally has all this wrought?  

What has Bush's "strong leader" style of rule brought us?  What has fear and nothing but fear given to this country as a lasting legacy?

Bush now ends his Presidency with our nation in the midst of the greatest economic crisis since 1933.

Have we come full circle or what?

I think to show we have learned a lesson from all of this our new mantra for the 21st century should be, "We have nothing to fear, no matter what your government tries to tell you."

Perhaps this will serve to remind us (and Obama) that this country was once populated by men who were offered great, almost unlimited power and who had the strength of character, the fortitude and the wisdom to turn it down.

How very American that idea seems to me at this moment.

How Gay is This?

Obama's invitation to Rick "Homos are the same as pedophiles" Warren to perform the invocation at his inauguration is indefensible.

I feel betrayed and embittered.

I feel disappointed and discouraged.

I feel like someone invited my worst enemy to a celebration I've longed for my whole life.

Talking to my fellow Obama supporters I'm getting the same feedback from them.

Contributing most of all to our collective migraine over this affair I believe are the multitudinous ironies involved, almost all of which are seemingly, ubelievably unintentional.

I mean for Christ's sake - we're liberals.  Obama's gang is a team of liberals (I'm hoping?).  We're supposed to do intentional irony, not unintentional.  That's what the GOP does when they rail about declining morals and get caught the next day with a hooker under their desk sucking the family values out of them.

We're supposed to be smarter, dare I say snarkier than all of this messy business.  Yet Obama seems to be willfully oblivious to how he has allowed cynicism's ugly shadow to loom behind what should be the most optimistic American day in a generation.

Let's have an irony run-down, shall we?

First and foremost there is the irony of the guy in this beefcake photo being super-friendly with a homophobe.  Because if this picture were any gayer it would be blowing George Michael in a public bathroom.

Second and more tragically there is the enormous irony of a bigot being invited anywhere near the inauguration of our first African-American President. 

Call me crazy but I think the first black President's swearing in ceremony should be a bigotry free zone.  Don't know why but that just makes some sort of cosmic sense to me being that African-Americans have historically been the most oppressed minority in the USA.

Third, for the life of me I cannot figure out why there is a prayer allowed anywhere near the swearing in of someone for what is Constitutionally a secular office.  

Folks it is a fact that there was no publicly sanctioned invocation at any inaugural until 1933 which means we swore in 31 Presidents (including Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln) without so much as one shouted "hallelujah" or muttered "amen".

Well it seems to me the country hummed along just fine unless you want to somehow blame the Civil War on a dearth of inaugural God talkin'.

There is also a "benediction" to be given.  A fricking benediction?  OK, are we at a church service now or a secular, civic ritual?  What's next?  Will we all be asked to sing along with the new "National Hym"?

I'm getting confused and I bet the rest of the people who believe in the Jeffersonian "wall of separation of church and state" are too. 

To quote the First Amendment, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..."

By having a Christian prayer are we not thereby governmentally endorsing Christianity as our state religion?

Don't think so?  How would you feel if there was a Muslim Imam praying instead of a pastor?

I rest my case.

You see I believe what happens between a man and his God, lack of Gods, or 457 Gods is between him and whatever he believes or doesn't believe in.  However this has no place in the public square and the laws of this land would back me up.  

So as an agnostic I find it frustrating that there is an official prayer at the swearing in of the most powerful secular office-holder in the country.  

I suppose it raises the question though - are things so bad now we that we have been reduced to publicly abdicating responsibility for our future and instead begging an imaginary man in the sky to bless us with 8 years of prosperity?  

Why don't we just do a fucking rain dance while we're at it?

The point is we are not a "christian nation" and any public official who leads us down that slippery slope even one inch by lending tacit credibility to this repeatedly debunked notion is playing a most dangerous game.

Fourth and finally -  Obama has praised Rick Warren's AIDS work in Africa over and over as justification for his presence.

Yet Warren has aligned himself resolutely and repeatedly with a condom burning, witch-hunting pastor in Uganda (Martin Ssempe) who believes homosexuality should be criminalized!

Substitute the word "Jew" for homosexuality in that last sentence and you'll begin to understand how repellent Warren's associations are because make no mistake - Ssempe wants to purge gay people from Ugandan society the same way Hitler wanted to rid Germany of "the Jewish Menace."

That is hatred of an unconscionable measure and Obama should disavow Warren immediately for this connection alone. 

By the way, since the born-again Christian First Lady of Uganda basically gave the reins of the country's anti-AIDS program to Ssempe the infection rate there has shot up there by an average of 7 percent.  So instead of Rick Warren helping the AIDS problem in Africa (Obama's ancestral homeland!!) he is in fact making it far, far worse by pushing ineffective abstinence-only programs and encouraging discrimination against homosexuals.

In fact with his hateful rhetoric and associations one could very easily say Warren is encouraging violence against homosexuals, especially in African countries where the idea of masculinity is supreme and where the weak and the minority are not always guaranteed liberty or protection.

I could go on and on however I am going to try to go to bed and forget that this is happening.  

But I do desperately hope that Obama's office and staff are flooded with enough emails and phone calls so that we never have to see anything like this from him again.

Unless of course it's in another four years and the economy is rocking.  Then all will be forgiven because as Obama obviously thinks, hey, they're just queers.  Nobody cares about them anyway, right?

Right?

Wrong.