Welcome to This Week in History!
This will be a weekly exercise where I will attempt to spur an interest in history that has lain too long dormant in the breasts of men (side note: breasts doesn't mean boobs, it's a metaphor for your brain).
This is my first attempt... enjoy.
MONDAY - February 2
In 1653 the Dutch colony of New Amsterdam - later to be renamed New York - was officially incorporated as a city.
To celebrate this event five people were mugged and a homeless guy peed on a wall.
TUESDAY - February 3
Adjusted for inflation in today's money three Massachusetts bank notes would be roughly equivalent to the life savings of everyone involved in the Bernie Maddoff ponzi scheme.
WEDNESDAY - February 4
On this day in 1789 George Washington was chosen as President of the United States, thus becoming America's first white President!
Washington was then followed by 42 more white Presidents in a row over a run of 220 years, exhibiting a dominance that has essentially made white people the New York Yankees of the Presidency.
THURSDAY - February 5
On this day in 1885 King Leopold the II of Belgium established the Congo Free State in Africa as his personal dominion.
Since this date Europeans have been having filthy monkey sex and bringing the diseases back to the First World on a semi-regular basis.
FRIDAY - February 6th
On February 6th, 1788 the Treaty of Alliance and the Treaty of Amity and Commerce were signed in Paris by the US and France, thus formalizing French aid in the Revolutionary War and also signifying official recognition of the 13 colonies as an independent republic.
To celebrate this momentous occasion that famous American sex aid the "Freedom Tickler" was renamed the "French Tickler" until an act of Congress in March 2003 reverted it back to the original.
SATURDAY - February 7
In 1944 in the city of Anzio, Italy the German forces launched a counter attack against the allied offensive "Operation Shingle", Which to this day still holds the record for the least intimidating secret attack plan name ever.
Other nominees are the invasion of Grenada, code-named "Operation Where the Hell is Grenada and Why the F**k Are We Attacking It?" and the original title for the Bay of Pigs - initially code-named "Operation Moo-cow".
SUNDAY - February 8
On this day in 2008 Nebraska banned the use of the Electric Chair as it's only method of execution.
Today frequently used ways of causing death in Nebraska include boredom, ennui, pointlessness and a little known method referred to colloquially as "corn-fisting."
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