I just spent the last hour reading picture book after picture book to a 2 year-old girl in an attempt to get her to fall asleep.
At the end of it she was still wired like a crystal meth addict on Red Bull.
I blame children's literature.
These books have beautiful pictures and captivating plots about cute lil' animals that get lost and find their way home against overwhelming odds. Even I can't put it down.
Fuck that.
Next time I wanna put a kid to bed I'm reading them either Dostoevsky, Melville or anything by Joel Osteen.
ZZZZ, indeed.
By the way, don't read this and pretend you like Melville. I'll give you Dostoevsky but no one really likes Melville.
We all just pretend we do because it's easier than admitting we've been wrong about "Moby Dick" all these years.
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